Hello to everyone!! Hola! Buenos dias!
Just have some thoughts to share from this gorgeous summer afternoon up here in the town/area of Azpeitia within which we are attending Magis at the Jesuit-run traditional Loyola family estate. The Americans here at Magis – which are a small minority! – have the privilege of sleeping on the floor inside the huge castle (although only part of the castle goes back to the time of Ignatius). This means that we have a beautiful and awe-inspiring place to stay, cool marble floors on which to sleep, and incredible closeness to all the activities and festivities and meetings, which take place on the field immediately behind the castle. Most of the nationalities actually have quite a walk!
Today, as I mentioned, is a truly gorgeous day here! It is so sunny and breezy! The view is beautiful, just as it has been constantly since we arrived yesterday afternoon. However, unlike yesterday, the sun is hot! Sitting out for morning prayer on the field in the sun, we had to put on sunscreen. But it is very nice to be here in the sun, for me personally. The trip has been so hectic, with a 3 hour wait for our flight, a 6 hour overnight red-eye flight, a 3 hour wait for our bus, and a six hour bus trip, and prior to all this traveling, only two and a half hours of sleep the night before we left. With sleepiness, jet lag, and pop songs from the bus ride ringing in my head, it had remained rather hard to come into the presence of God, despite the beautiful locale and excited strangers. The sun today is therefore especially welcome, for warm sunshine always helps me feel the presence of God, no matter what is troubling me or where I currently am with God. It makes me think of when Jesus said we should love our enemies because we ought to be like God, who “makes the sun to shine on the just and on the unjust.” It is a sign that no matter where we are at, God is still giving us life and a chance to move forward towards him: a great reminder for the beginning of a pilgrimage!!
I took a break after finishing the last paragraph. Many of us had walked into the city of Loyola to try to find somewhere to supplement our typical European breakfast of coffee, juice, and bread. Unfortunately, the closest restaurants had almost doubled their ordinary prices, so five of us ended up finding a supermarket where everything was nice and affordable to make our own baguette sandwiches and stock up on snacks. The city is gorgeous – there is an ancient picturesque building to see set back from many of the corners, an apple orchard right next to the road, and many fancy apartments that we guess are vacation summer homes. The construction of many new aparments was also going on in one section of the city closest to the Loyola estate. Our little group returned to Magis for more conversations and for our humble free lunch and afterwards spoke to a very friendly Kenyan who explained a lot about his country. We are now relaxing in the shade until Mass. :-)
Today has been a long day and a hot day but a good day. I look forward to whatever insights tonight might bring, for last night I had two insights in particular that were very nice!
We are a group of pilgrims coming to grow in a journey towards God. Many people, myself included, have a hard time believing in the unconditional love of God – whether it means not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy, not feeling forgiven or anything else. We can never be worthy of God’s love, but if we cannot accept the fact that He loves us anyway, it is hard to do anything! During our Mass itself, I – and many others – kept drifting off, for which I felt pretty guilty. However, during the Lamb of God, petitioning Christ to take away our sins and to grant us mercy and peace, I was struck by the commitment that we were offering to God and was able to believe that we would be offered mercy and peace and were not too unworthy to ask God for them! We had spent a couple thousand dollars and traveled for a day and a half halfway across the world, sore, cramped, and tired, all in order to offer ourselves to an experience designed to help us come closer to Him. We are far from perfect, but we have thrown ourselves into this, and I can no longer worry that God will not meet us halfway! I can’t wait to report to everyone what blessings he brings us.
Lest I seem tooo proud, there was another insight last night. We survived a long “welcoming presentation” constituted of many songs and a Portuguese interpretive dance/play production of one moment in Saint Ignatius’ life and were dropping like flies, succumbing to sleep. Afterwards, the Evening Prayer was starting over an hour late, at about 11:30. We had been told that our sleeping quarters – where we leave most our belongings – would be open all day yesterday and reopened at 11pm each other night. We had also been told that attendance all the events were strongly encouraged but optional. Seeing our sleepiness and no longer wanting to distract others in the crowd – and wanting to save some energy for the next day – we went to the door of our building and were met by several staff members who told us “No. Is it over? You cannot come in until it is finished.” Frustrated but struggling to maintain a pilgrim’s patience, we stood outside the door, dozing off on our feet. However, there was a benefit to this unfortunate situation: part of night prayer consisted of a long candlelight procession while the musicians and singers performed “You Raise Me Up,” a tune which we sleepy Americans were able to sing along to. We sang the refrain about five times, which goes:
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.
I was struck with an intense sense of gratitude for all those who have supported me on my way to this place – physically here and spiritually/emotionally here. I know that all no members of our 37-person group could have arrived here alone, and that each one appreciates the support of their families and friends and all those back home who have raised them up, just as I am appreciative of, and so blessed to be able to encounter God in, those whose prayers I carry with me, who have supported me in my personal faith journey and my journey here, and who make this pilgrimage with me in spirit. I am strong because I am on the caring shoulders of my family, Mom, Dad, Philip, Cara, and Luke, and of my best friend Amanda Kwon, and of all those who are praying for me and whose intentions I carry to Spain – my grandparents, my Godmother and her religious community, the Catholic elderly women I visit at the Jewish Home and Hospital in the Bronx, and so many others…. Including all of you who are reading this blog! Thank you for your prayers, your time, and your attention. Know that you are also in our prayers! You raise us up to more than we can be!3643
