Friday, August 26, 2011

Pilgrims Come Home

Greetings from Los Estados Unidos! The 24 hour mark is approaching since we left Spain, so I thought I'd offer a brief reflection on the three weeks of pilgrimage we experienced.

Many people told us beforehand that a pilgrimage is less about the destination then the journey itself. Given Ignatius' emphasis on our constant discernment of God's call in our lives, I'd say there's a lot of truth to that. At the same time though, upon some reflection I see the destination of this journey, at least for me, as Christ as Ignatius himself saw him. And I know that I certainly caught glimpses of this throughout the three weeks.

The first major part of the journey, and in many ways the most important for me personally, was the 70 mile walk from Xavier to Loyola undertaken with Chrissy, Bea, Jen, Kevin, Mike, Jackie, Shana, Rosa, Carmina, Cristina, Maria, Rocio, Belen, Curro, Aymeric, Peroline, Jeanne, Sixtine, Xavier, Marie, Clemente, Mathilde, Aline, Iker, Eva, Borja, Jose Maria, Petri, and Eduarda. I list each name because we truly became a family, and to leave out even one name is to miss Christ in the experience. Walking, being with these people, carrying our lives on our backs, appreciating the beauty of Spain, these among others strike me as the overarching sources of grace that held our experience together. The conversations we had were heartfelt, the canyons, mountains, and rivers prayerful, and the individual time for reflection fruitful. When we finally arrived in Loyola after 6 days and 70 miles, my first gut feeling was that I was leaving something profound, like I was leaving my heart on the road from Xavier to Loyola. Each step that final day was a time of offering each face to God, asking for God's love bestowed upon them. This was one of the ways in which I distinctly saw Christ, in the beauty in each person and the way in which I felt the love of God for each pilgrim.

This grace pursued me throughout the rest of our Spanish pilgrimage. The idea of offering someone else or one's own self up to God followed all of us through WYD as we offered up the world to God, Montserrat as we saw Ignatius do the same with himself to the Black Madonna, and Manresa as we got the opportunity to offer ourselves up in the cave in which Ignatius first prayed the following prayer:

Take, Lord, receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will
All the I have and hold, you have given me.
I restore it all to you and surrender it wholly to be governed by your will.
Give me only your love and your grace
And I am rich enough and ask for nothing more.

The road of our pilgrimage for me was a road to more authentically offering myself to the Lord. Today I propose a challenge for all of you who continue to journey with us (Spain is ended but the pilgrimage to Christ never is). Picture one person's face a day, someone you treasure, and give them away to the Lord while saying the prayer of St. Ignatius listed above. Thank you for being with us in our journey "con Cristo en el corazon del mundo." You continue to be in our prayers. Peace

-Mike Finucane

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

And Together We Praise....

Mass in the Chapel of the Spirituality Center at the Sanctuary of Loyola
The Basilica of St. Ignatius of Loyola
Magis Send-Off Mass before our experiments
Father General Adolf Nicholas, SJ at the Magis send-off Mass
Pilgrimage Experience Mass at a Medieval Chapel in a small town called Arroz-Villa

Seeing God in the Sunrise
¨Smiling Jesus¨ crucifix in the Chapel at Castillo de Javier
End of Pilgrimage Thanksgiving Mass in the newer chapel in Castillo de Javier
Reunited at the Magis Closing Mass in Madrid
World Youth Day Cross and Icon
Mass for 12,000 after Morning Catechesis at the Palacio de Deportes
The Mass was so full that it was Standing (or rather, Kneeling) Room Only!
Archbishop Dolan celebrates Mass for a full stadium of young pilgrims
USCCB Young Americans Mass
Vigil and Eucharistic Adoration with El Papa at Cuatro Vientos Airfield
Rain at Cuatro Vientos
Wind-Swept Benedict after the Storm at Cuatro Vientos
Eucharistic Adoration with Pope Benedict XVI
Our German Shepherd!
WYD Closing Mass with over 1 million other young pilgrims
(Next WYD in 2013 in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil!)
The ¨Nativity Facade¨ of La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona
Inside La Basilica de la Sagrada Familia, Barcelona
Team Mass in one of our tiny apartments in Barcelona, presided over by Fr. Paul Rourke, SJ

The Basilica of Our Lady of Monserrat

Our Lady of Monserrat

Kevin lights a candle at the Basilica of Our Lady of Monserrat

Inside the Cave at Manresa

¨Take and receive, Lord, all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will...¨

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Revelations & Lessons Learned

Greetings to everyone back home! Now that we are here in Barcelona, we finally have a little more free time on our hands so I figured it would be a good opportunity to reflect on my experiences in Spain. This entire trip has been a truly unique experience, and while it hasn´t always gone the way I expected, I feel that I´ve learned a lot about my faith and about myself along the way. Some of them have been more directly related to the spiritual part of my journey than others, but I think all of them had an impact on my experience here in Spain.

1) I am apparently capable of falling asleep anywhere, regardless of time of day, location, the position I´m sitting/laying in, how many people are around, or how much noise there is. Since I haven´t been able to either fall asleep or sleep through the night in about 2 years, this was a surprising revelation. While you are probably laughing at the fact that I´m actually including this here, I *do* think my falling asleep in often embarrassing places was relevant to my journey. I entered this pilgrimage ready to push myself to the limit, make as many sacrifices as possible, and hopefully reap the many benefits that come along with suffering. The first time I fell asleep in the middle of an event (on the lawn at Loyola no less) I was absolutely mortified. I felt that I had already failed as a pilgrim and that I wasn´t worthy to seek the spiritual gifts of the pilgrimage. When sharing this disappointment with one of my fellow team members, they framed it in a different light- maybe my sleep was a gift from God of what I needed most in that moment. I´ve come to accept ove rthe past few weeks that in spite of my good intentions, there are physical limits that I can´t completely overcome, and that this reality will not stop God from allowing me to receive his graces. While some level of sacrifice is a great way to spiritually focus myself and take myself out of my normal mindset, I´m not going to be doing anyone (including God) much good if I push myself to the point where I´m sick in bed.

2) We plan, God laughs. I know that Rox used this phrase in her blog post as well, but I´ve been writing it a lot in my journal these past few weeks because it has been a running theme for me. Coming into this experience I tried to keep an open mind, but I admit that I had some expectations about what things would be like. My actual experiences shattered just about every one of those preconceived ideas. My Magis experiment was nothing like I thought it would be, I wasn´t able to participate as fully as I wanted to because I got sick, the crowds in Madrid kept me from getting to events I had looked forward to, and there were more changes in plans than I could count. Those that know me well know that I like to have a set plan ahead of time (and often several contingency plans) so as to feel like I´m in control of what I´m doing. I had struggled with this even before we left for the trip, since we didn´t know until we left what Magis experiences we would be placed in or even what country we would be doing them in. I made it my goal for the trip to let myself be moved by God in each moment so that I could experience those things he wanted for me rather than what I *thought* I needed. God really tested me in this area, and at times I became frustrated, overwhelmed, and even started to question whether I was getting what I wanted out of the experience. Yet every time this started to happen, I realized that those changes in plans led me to things that I really grew from and probably needed. I was able to bond with people I may never have otherwise spent time with, see things I never knew to look for, and take time away from the crowds to reflect and refocus. So in spite of my frustrations, I really do believe that God has been leading me where I am meant to be and that I am learning from this experience.

3) You say goodbye, I say hello. It seems like ever since we left the States life has been a series of hellos and goodbyes. Saying goodbye to our families to join the pilgrimage team, breaking off from our Fordham group to meet our Magis groups, leaving our Magis groups to rejoin the Fordham crew, and (very soon) saying goodbye to our fellow pilgrims to see our families again. I am so grateful for the people I´ve met and grown close to. While the entire Magis/WYD experience has been one that I will always cherish, the moments that meant the most to me were the conversations I have had with people. I´ve grown much closer to people from Fordham on our team who I had never really spent time with before and made what I hope will be lasting relationships with people from my Magis group. As we prepare to go back home and I personally prepare to go back to living alone, it really helps to know that there are other young people out there with whom I have a connection on a deep and genuine level. And while it is difficult to say goodbye, I believe that even if I never get to see some of the people I have met again, I am carrying a piece of each of them home with me. Thankfully, the age of Facebook will make it much more likely for people to keep in touch!

As usual, there is much more that I would love to share, but sleep is calling me... Tomorrow is our last full day in Spain so I´ll see you all back home very soon! (And a happy 21st birthday to my sister Kerry!!!)

Peace & Love,
Cait

Monday, August 22, 2011

The Suffering Servant

Greetings to All...

So I´m here at the Sant Jordi Hostel - Sagrada Familia Apts in Barcelona Spain (if you wanna see our cool hostel, go to http://www.santjordihostels.com/). Everyone else has gone out to do some exploring, but I´ve decided to take a quiet day to myself here to run some errands (mostly laundy) and to do some reflecting via blog :) Then, I´m planning to go out and see the Basilica of La Sagrada Familia, Gaudi´s final masterpiece.

It has certainly been a whirlwind these past couple of weeks. There were many, many times where I found myself overwhelmed, frustrated, stressed, and unappreciative, but luckily, 2 days ago we had a group reflection which really allowed me to just step back and count my blessings. I´d like to share some of these thoughts with you now as I further process my experience on this pilgrimage.

I´m not sure if I mentioned this before, but Madrid11 is my second WYD, with my first having been in Sydney in 2008. In many ways, WYD2008 in Sydney changed my life. It gave me the gift of a renewed spiritual life, confidence in the everlasting love of God, and sureness of my call to a vocation in youth ministry. I am sure that God led me to Australia in 2008 for a very specific reason, and without my experiences there, I wouldn´t be where I am today, having completed a degree in Youth Ministry and on my way to begin 3 years of service with the Cabrini Mission Corps.

My gratefulness for having experienced WYD 2008 is what led me to help organize this Fordham Pilgrimage Team to Madrid in 2011, with the hope that we would all be further transformed in the same ways that I had been changed in Australia. But, of course, we cannot put God in a box, and we cannot assume what graces God will grant us at any given moment. So while I was expecting (mostly hoping) for those same fuzzy feelings that defined my last WYD experience and helped me to climb to great peaks in my spiritual journey, this time around the feelings were less joyful and fluffy. 

¨We plan, and God laughs.¨ A friend of mine found this quote for me once, and it has been on my mind quite a lot over the past couple of weeks. The plans in my mind and in my heart have definitely not coincided with what I have experienced here in Spain, but it does not mean that I have not grown or learned some incredibly important life lessons during my second WYD. In fact, I think that I have been given the grace to better understand one of the most difficult parts of our Catholic faith -- a spirituality of suffering.

Pope Benedict has said that ¨a life without suffering is not a human life,¨ and he has repeated this sentiment several times throughout this WYD. I have spent many years contemplating this idea, and quite frankly, I have not had the best experiences trying to understand it. At the lowest point in my spiritual life, I was pretty much ready to give up on believing in a God who would allow poor and innocent people to suffer, to be persecuted, and to die. ¨Where is God when a child starves to death, when the innocent are murdered, when a natural disaster kills thousands?¨ I could never understand how an all-powerful God could just sit back and watch.

Oh, how very wrong I was...and I truly believe that God was working extra-hard to bring some clarity to my mind and my heart during these past couple of weeks. Many times during both Magis and WYD, I was pushed to my limits, and truly brought to the edges of what I thought I could and could not do. And in those moments of delirium, frustration, stress, overwhelming demoralization, and anger, I found myself closer to God than what I´ve felt in quite some time. To say that I was shocked to find myself feeling this way would be an understatement.

The first moments of realization came during my Magis pilgrimage week between Loyola and Javier. The days were really brutal and I found myself constantly questioning how walking 90 miles through the backwoods of the Basque Country (when there were perfectly functioning automobiles at our disposal) was relevant to my life today. But on the third day, as we were climbing our steepest and most complicated slope, I found myself dwelling solely in the presence of God.....I was no longer thinking about my steps or the pains in my body. I was on autopilot and only the thought that God was carrying me was getting me through. When I finally reached the top after an hour of walking uphill, I just fell to the ground and looking up to the sky, I thanked God because I know I would not have overcome that challenge without Him.

God does not abandon us in our sufferings. Rather, God is there, suffering with us and giving us hope to move forward. The greatest realization of this pilgrimage for me has been to gain a deeper appreciation for the extreme sacrifice that Jesus gave for us during the Way of the Cross. I, by no means, felt the way that Jesus felt during his walk to Calvary. But by feeling my own physical pains and experiencing the weakness of the human will without God, I now more deeply appreciate Jesus´ sacrifice. For Him to have suffered, to have been pushed to his limits, and to ultimately be tortured and murdered for a world of sinners is truly incredible. Jesus knows what it is to truly suffer -- to be humiliated, persecuted, dehumanized, demoralized, and killed -- and so He walks with us in our daily sufferings, even carrying us when we no longer have the strength to do it ourselves.

So although this World Youth Day has been so incredibly taxing for me, both physically and mentally, I cannot thank the Lord enough for giving me this experience and for showing me how truly great we can be, even in the midst of dejection and hardship, if we only have hope and place our trust in Christ. Yes, suffering is part of human life, and life would be incomplete without it. Without knowing suffering, we cannot know the suffering of Christ. And without internalizing the pains of Christ´s suffering, we cannot know, acknowledge, and reach out to those suffering daily in the world around us. And so I pray that we may find grace in our sufferings.....not to rejoice whenever hardships come along, because that´s just stupid and unrealistic. But we need to learn from the tough times in our life, and I believe that God´s challenge to us is to cling to Jesus in our sufferings, He who knows the full spectrum of human pain and sacrifice. And once we overcome those mountains in our life, those really difficult slopes, may we pull up those who are staggering behind us, stand at the mountain-top and together in thanksgiving, scream out:

Glory be to God, now and forever...
Amen.

Roxanne
Jesus´Lonliness during the Scourging at the Pillar
from the front ¨Passion¨ facade at La Basilica de la Sagrda Familia in Barcelona, Spain 

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Quick Check-In

Hello Everyone!!!

Just a quick check-in at 1am in the morning here in Barcelona!

World Youth Day officially ended today (with the Pope conferring his blessings on us and announcing that the next WYD will be in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil in 2013!). The last leg of our journey to Spain begins today, and we are all incredibly excited to explore this amazing city, relax, sleep in beds, have regular access to showers, and spend some good quality time together. We also hope to visit a few more special places in the history of St. Ignatius, including Manresa, Monserrat, and the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Mar (where Ignatius begged for alms on his journey to the Holy Land). All in all, it promises to be a wonderful couple of days before we head back home to NY on Thursday.

Many of us will be updating in the coming days, especially in regards to our WYD experiences, seeing the Pope, and reflecting on the Papal message, so stay tuned! But for now, buenas noches and thanks for your prayers!

Roxanne