Greetings to everyone back home! Now that we are here in Barcelona, we finally have a little more free time on our hands so I figured it would be a good opportunity to reflect on my experiences in Spain. This entire trip has been a truly unique experience, and while it hasn´t always gone the way I expected, I feel that I´ve learned a lot about my faith and about myself along the way. Some of them have been more directly related to the spiritual part of my journey than others, but I think all of them had an impact on my experience here in Spain.
1) I am apparently capable of falling asleep anywhere, regardless of time of day, location, the position I´m sitting/laying in, how many people are around, or how much noise there is. Since I haven´t been able to either fall asleep or sleep through the night in about 2 years, this was a surprising revelation. While you are probably laughing at the fact that I´m actually including this here, I *do* think my falling asleep in often embarrassing places was relevant to my journey. I entered this pilgrimage ready to push myself to the limit, make as many sacrifices as possible, and hopefully reap the many benefits that come along with suffering. The first time I fell asleep in the middle of an event (on the lawn at Loyola no less) I was absolutely mortified. I felt that I had already failed as a pilgrim and that I wasn´t worthy to seek the spiritual gifts of the pilgrimage. When sharing this disappointment with one of my fellow team members, they framed it in a different light- maybe my sleep was a gift from God of what I needed most in that moment. I´ve come to accept ove rthe past few weeks that in spite of my good intentions, there are physical limits that I can´t completely overcome, and that this reality will not stop God from allowing me to receive his graces. While some level of sacrifice is a great way to spiritually focus myself and take myself out of my normal mindset, I´m not going to be doing anyone (including God) much good if I push myself to the point where I´m sick in bed.
2) We plan, God laughs. I know that Rox used this phrase in her blog post as well, but I´ve been writing it a lot in my journal these past few weeks because it has been a running theme for me. Coming into this experience I tried to keep an open mind, but I admit that I had some expectations about what things would be like. My actual experiences shattered just about every one of those preconceived ideas. My Magis experiment was nothing like I thought it would be, I wasn´t able to participate as fully as I wanted to because I got sick, the crowds in Madrid kept me from getting to events I had looked forward to, and there were more changes in plans than I could count. Those that know me well know that I like to have a set plan ahead of time (and often several contingency plans) so as to feel like I´m in control of what I´m doing. I had struggled with this even before we left for the trip, since we didn´t know until we left what Magis experiences we would be placed in or even what country we would be doing them in. I made it my goal for the trip to let myself be moved by God in each moment so that I could experience those things he wanted for me rather than what I *thought* I needed. God really tested me in this area, and at times I became frustrated, overwhelmed, and even started to question whether I was getting what I wanted out of the experience. Yet every time this started to happen, I realized that those changes in plans led me to things that I really grew from and probably needed. I was able to bond with people I may never have otherwise spent time with, see things I never knew to look for, and take time away from the crowds to reflect and refocus. So in spite of my frustrations, I really do believe that God has been leading me where I am meant to be and that I am learning from this experience.
3) You say goodbye, I say hello. It seems like ever since we left the States life has been a series of hellos and goodbyes. Saying goodbye to our families to join the pilgrimage team, breaking off from our Fordham group to meet our Magis groups, leaving our Magis groups to rejoin the Fordham crew, and (very soon) saying goodbye to our fellow pilgrims to see our families again. I am so grateful for the people I´ve met and grown close to. While the entire Magis/WYD experience has been one that I will always cherish, the moments that meant the most to me were the conversations I have had with people. I´ve grown much closer to people from Fordham on our team who I had never really spent time with before and made what I hope will be lasting relationships with people from my Magis group. As we prepare to go back home and I personally prepare to go back to living alone, it really helps to know that there are other young people out there with whom I have a connection on a deep and genuine level. And while it is difficult to say goodbye, I believe that even if I never get to see some of the people I have met again, I am carrying a piece of each of them home with me. Thankfully, the age of Facebook will make it much more likely for people to keep in touch!
As usual, there is much more that I would love to share, but sleep is calling me... Tomorrow is our last full day in Spain so I´ll see you all back home very soon! (And a happy 21st birthday to my sister Kerry!!!)
Peace & Love,
Cait
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